My useless page
     
KaTa'S HoMe PaGe

cLiP ArT

Osama bin Laden

Top 10 Lists

101 Ways to annoy people

JOKES

My Music

Edgar Allan Poe

Philosophy and more

The useless page

 

~Life's unanswered questions~
ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
How can you tell when your out of invisible ink?
Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're nerver in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
If a man speaks and their is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If God dropped acid, would he see people? If God sneezes...what should you say?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation? If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the iside of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
Isn't hot water already hot?
Isn't it a little scary that a doctors work is called practice?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
Since cats always land on their feet and jelly bread always lands jelly-side down, what happens if you tie jelly bread to the back of a cat?
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What came first the chicken or the egg?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
What is a free gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What's another word for synonym?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Who invented accents?
Who named everything?
Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why are we afraid of falling?
Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop?
Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do bars advertise live bands?
What does a dead band sound like?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do guys wear underpants?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do they call it disposable douche?
Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels?
Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does bottled water have an expiration date?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't superglue stick to its container?
Why don't you ever see baby pigions?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients BUT dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Is it because of that song?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
woes of people you have never met?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
Who is general failure and why is he reading my disk?
The light went out, but where to?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the rld a people trap operated by a mouse?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
What do you do when you discover and an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins?
How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot... and something cold, cold?
What is the speed of dark?
Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings,
Why don't they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
What's another word for synonym?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas station when smoking is prohibited there?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
If an orange is orange, whey isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? - or maybe I'll just have a big bunch of purples.
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?



~Oxymorons~
ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^
What is it?: "A rhetorical figure in which an epigrammatic effect is created by the conjunction of incongruous or contradictory terms"

OXYMORONS:
acute dullness · act naturally · Advanced BASIC · airline food · almost exactly · alone together · Amtrak schedule · bittersweet · boring court jester · briefing · British fashion · business ethics · butthead · cafeteria food · calm wind · cardinal sin · casual sex · cheerleading scholarship · childproof · Christian Scientists · civil engineer · clean coal · coal mine safety · computer jock · computer security · clearly ambiguous · clearly confused · clearly misunderstood · comfortably dressed · conservative liberal · conciliation court · constant variable · constructive attitude · corporate conscience · cowardly lion · dangerously safe · deafening silence · definite maybe · deliberately thoughtless · democratic machine · designer jeans · diet ice cream · divorce court · domestic bliss · double solitaire · educational television · effective compassion · essential service · even odds · exact estimate · extensive briefing · extinct life · family vacation · fan fatale · federal budget · fish farm · flexible ethics · found missing · free love · freezer burn · french deodorant · fresh-frozen · friendly fire · friendly takeover · funky white guy · genuine imitation · genuine imitation naughahide · good grief · good shit · government organization · guest host · healthy chocolate · hells angels · holy war · half naked · home office · humanitarian invasion · idiot savant · ill health · industrial park · instant classic · intense apathy · jumbo shrimp · justice rehnquist · larger half · least favorite · legally drunk · light rock · linear curve · liquid gas · lite beer · little giants · living dead · long sleeved t-shirt · loud librarian · managed competition · marital bliss · Microsoft Works · mild interest · mild mannered reporter · military intelligence · minor crisis · minor miracle · misanthropic humanitarian · modern history · moral majority · natural blonde · new classic · New York culture · non-alcoholic beer · non-alcoholic wine · non-dairy creamer · non-working mother · normal deviation · obscene art · old news · only choice · on-time airplane · on-time musical production · on-time train · open secret · original copies · original reprint · oxymoron · paid volunteer · passive aggression · peace offensive · peacekeeper missile · plastic glasses · plastic silverware · player coach · player piano · polite salesman · political science · post feminist · postal service · pretty ugly · private citizen · qualified success · randomly organized · rap music · Reagan Democrat · real potential · religious tolerance · republican party · resident alien · rock opera · rolling stop · rush hour · sad clown · safe sex · sanitary landfill · sanitary sewer · same difference · scheduled spontaneity · scientific belief · second best · sensitive guy · serious musician · seriously funny · silent scream · simply superb · small crowd · socialist market economy · soft rock · software documentation · standard deviation · straight angle · student athlete · study outside · successful suicide · sweet sorrow · sweet tart · synthetic natural gas · Tame cat · taped live · temporary tax increase · terribly enjoyable · terribly pleased · tight slacks · tragic comedy · train schedule · trial separation · turbo diesel · twelve-ounce pound cake · unbiased opinion · uncrowned king · unhappily married · united nations · unsellable stock · unsung hero · vaguely aware · virtual reality · war games · wholesome · working vacation

Did you know?
1. When Coca-Cola began to be sold in China, they used characters that would sound like "Coca-Cola" when spoken. Unfortunately, what they turned out to mean was "Bite the wax tadpole". It did not sell well.
2. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
3. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
4. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
5. More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
6. The Hawaiian alphabet only has 12 letters.
7. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
8. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
9. Pepsi originally contained pepsin, thus the name.
10. The original story from "Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights" begins, "Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."
11. Michael Jordan makes more money from NIKE annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
12. The volume of the earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific Ocean.
13. Spiral staircases in medieval castles are running clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would have had no troubles, except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the devil.
14. Ham radio operators got the term "ham" coined from the expression "ham fisted operators," a term used to describe early radio users who sent Morse code (i.e., pounded their fist).
15. The slogan on New Hampshire license plates is "Live Free or Die." These license plates are manufactured by prisoners in the state prison in Concord.
16. Chinese Crested dogs can get acne.
17. Hydrogen gas is the least dense substance in the world, at 0.08988g/cc.
18. Hydrogen solid is the most dense substance in the world, at 70.6g/cc.
19. Each year there is one ton of cement poured for each man woman and child in the world.
20. The house fly hums in the middle octave key of F.
21. The only capital letter in the Roman alphabet with exactly one end point is P.
22. The giant red star Betelgeuse has a diameter larger than that of the Earth's orbit around the sun.
23. The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokai- whenuakitanatahu--a New Zealand hill.
24. Los Angeles's full name is: "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Poriuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "LA."
25. Only 1 in 2,000,000,000 will live to be 116 or older.
26. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
27. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
28. According to Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, it is possible to go slower than light and faster than light, but it is impossible to go the speed of light. Also, there is a particle called tackyon which is supposed to go faster than light. This means if you fire a tackyon beam, it travels before you fire it.
29. When you tie a noose, the rope is wrapped twelve times around because it's the same length as a persons head.
30. Hummingbirds are the only animal that can fly backwards.
31. A cat's jaw cannot move sideways.
32. If she were life size, Barbie's measurements are: 39-23-33.
33. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
34. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the bill.
35. Almonds are members of the peach family.
36. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
37. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
38. There are only four words in the English language which end in"-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
39. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
40. In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
41. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
42. The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.
43. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
44. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
45. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
46. On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper right-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.
47. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
48. Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Why it's Paul Reiser himself.
49. The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away.
50. The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz."
51. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
52. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
53. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
54. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
55. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
56. A rainbow can occur only when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.
57. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
58. When spelt phonetically, Esso means stalled car in Japan.
59. Tigers have round pupils and yellow irises (except for the blue eyes of white tigers). Due to a retinal adaptation that reflects light back to the retina, the night vision of tigers is six times better than that of humans.
60. In 1949, forecasting the relentless march of science, Popular Mechanics said "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
61. If the Loch Ness monster exists at all, he (or she) could only be about as big as a sixth grader. A new study shows that there is only enough fish in the loch to feed a 31 kg (about 67 lb) creature. The scientists used sonar to estimate the number of fish in the lake and came up with an annual food supply of 93 kg. Since a cold blooded animal like Nessie would need to eat about three times its body weight each year, it could only weigh about 31 kg.
62. Polar bears are left-handed.
63. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
64. The maximum weight for a golf ball is 1.62 oz.
65. Only 1/3 of the people that can twitch their ears can twitch only one at a time.
66. The largest city in the United States with a one syllable name is Flint, Michigan.
67. The number of the trash compactor in Star Wars is 3263827.
68. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
69. "Evian" spelled backvards is naive.
70. Charles de Gaulle's final words were, "It hurts."
71. Alexander the Great was an epileptic.
72. A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
73. Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox.
74. The face of a penny can hold about thirty drops of water.
75. If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.
76. Pigs can become alcoholics.
77. In Michigan, USA, a man legally owns his wife's hair.
78. Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
79. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.
80. A blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant.
81. There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, only 26 have been tested, and half-caused cancer in rats.
82. The waste produced by one chicken in its lifetime can supply enough electricity to run a 100-watt bulb for five hours.
83. It takes 12,000 head of cattle to produce one pound of adrenaline.
84. 55,700 people in the US are injured by jewelry each year.
85. In the past 60 years, the groundhog has only predicted the weather correctly 28% of the time. The rushing back and forth from burrows is believed to indicate sexual activity, not shadow seeking.
86. Turkeys will peck to death members of the flock that are physically inferior or different.
87. In Miami, Florida, roosting vultures have taken to snatching poodles from rooftop patios.
88. Back in 1919 the Russian transplant pioneer Serge Voronoff made headlines by grafting monkey testicles onto human males.
89. 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 equals 12,345,678,987,654,321.
90. The average human has about 20 square feet of skin weighing about 6 pounds.
91. There is now an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter population of 200.
92. Bulgaria was the only soccer team in the 1994 World Cup in which all 11 players' last names ended with the letters "OV."
93. The actor who played the T-1000 in Terminator 2 (Robert Patrick) and the lead singer of Filter are brothers.
94. Zip code 12345 is assigned to General Electric in Schenectady, N.Y.
95. The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
96. Jackals have one more pair of chromosomes than dogs or wolves.
97. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
98. Basenji dogs and Australian dingoes are virtually identical.
99. The same man who led the attack on the Alamo, Mexican Military General, Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, is also credited with the invention of chewing gum.
100. A top freestyle swimmer achieves a speed of only 4 miles per hour. Fish, in contrast, have been clocked at 68 mph.
101. 500,000 tons of dog excrement are dumped annually on the streets of Paris.
102. The typical laboratory mouse runs 2.5 miles per night on its treadmill.
103. A 5 ft. 5 inch tall 27-year-old woman weighing in at 374 pounds outflabbed 1,000 competitors to win the title of fattest person in China. Her prize - a supply of diet food.
104. The average US worker toils for two hours and 47 minutes of each working day just to pay income tax. Indeed, the average American pays more in taxes than for food, clothing and shelter put together.
105. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
106. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
107. In the U.S. there is, on average, three sex change operations per day.
108. It only takes a male horse 14 seconds to copulate.
109. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
110. A group of crows is called a murder.
111. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
112. Rabbits and Horses cannot vomit.
113. The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.
114. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
115. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
116. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
117. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
118. Dragonflies have a life span of only 24 hours.
119. Elephants are the only animal that can't jump.
120. In L.A., U.S.A., a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than 2 inches wide.
121. 1/3 of Taiwanese funeral processions includes a stripper.
122. Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
123. The palms of your hands and the soles of your feet cannot tan.
124. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
125. The radioactive substance, Americanium - 241 is used in many smoke detectors.
126. The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515.
127. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
128. Every Swiss citizen is required by law to have a bomb shelter or access to a bomb shelter.
129. Rennin, the enzyme obtained from the fourth stomach of a cow and used chiefly in the manufacture of cheese, is capable of coagulating more than 25,000 times its weight of fresh milk.
130. Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits.
131. There is a place in Norway called "Hell".
132. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
133. There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, only 26 have been tested, and half caused cancer in rats.
134. The average ice berg weighs 20,000,000 tons.
135. In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
136. The list of ingredients that make up lipstick include...fish scales.
137. Ants do not sleep.
138. In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
139. The USA bought Alaska from Russia for 2 cents an acre.
140. The first letters of the months July through November, in order, spell the name JASON.
141. No other animal gives us more by-products than the hog. These by-products include pig suede, buttons, glass, paint brushes, crayons, chalk, and insulation to name a few.
142. Cockroaches' favorite food is the glue on envelopes and on the back of postage stamps
143. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
144. Flush toilets date back to 2000 B.C.
145. The flatulation from domesticated cows produce about 30% of the methane on this planet.
146. Only 2 more blue moons (the saying "only once in a blue moon" refers to the occurence of two full moons during one calender month) are to occur between now and 2001. Those times are January 1999 and March 1999.
147. Hitler and Napolean both had only one testical.
148. Chimpanzees used in AIDS vaccine studies get a pension of more than ,000 to pay for their care and containment for the duration of their natural lives. While it is possible to infect chimpanzees with HIV, they do not appear to get AIDS.
149. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks.
150. Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.
151. A whale's penis is called a dork.
152. Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.
153. The Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland was a symbolic character for the hat makers in towns of the late 1800's. The large felt hats of the day had supports made out of lead. The lead caused an organic form of psychosis (brain damage) to develop in the hat makers causing them to be declared crazy.
154. Some biblical scholars believe that Aramaic, the language of the ancient Bible, did not contain an easy way to say "many things" and used a term which has come down to us as 40. This means that when the bible -- in many places -- refers to "40 days," they meant many days.
155. Texas was once a country.
156. If you live in Michigan, did you know it's illegal to place a skunk inside your bosses desk?
157. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice cream in your back pocket.
158. Everyday, more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
159. In the 19th century, the British Navy attempted to dispel the superstition that Friday is an unlucky day to embark on a ship. The keel of a new ship was laid on a Friday, she was named H.M.S. Friday, commanded by a Captain Friday, and finally went to sea on a Friday. Neither the ship nor her crew were ever heard of again.
160. Cats have over 100 vocal sounds, whereas, dogs only have about 10.
161. In 1681, the last dodo bird died.
162. Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."

Think about it...
1. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops…on my desk I have a work station.
2. I must always remember that I'm unique, just like everyone else.
3. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
4. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
5. If FEDEX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?
6. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
7. If they arrest the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
8. I think everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some us don't have film.
9. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
10. How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?
11. If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what is a Foghorn made of?
12. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, why do they say, "Quit while you're ahead?!"
13. If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?
14. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
15. What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
16. What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
17. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
18. Why is the word abbreviation so long?
19. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
20. Why is it you never hear about people acting chalant when they are nervous or upset about something?
21. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
22. Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
23. If humans evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
24. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses?
25. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
26. And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
27. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
28. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
29. Is there another word for synonym?
30. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
31. Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?"
32. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
33. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
34. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
35. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
36. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
37. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
38. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
39. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
40. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
41. Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
42. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
43. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
44. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
45. How is it possible to have a civil war?
46. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
47. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
48. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
49. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
50. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
51. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
52. If you try to fail, but instead succeed, which have you done?
53. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
54. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
55. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made of the stuff?
56. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
57. If a cow laughed, would milk come out its nose?
58. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
59. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "the whole time."
60. So what's the speed of dark?
61. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
62. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
63. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
64. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
65. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
66. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
67. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
68. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
69. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
70. How come when you buy a jar of preservatives, on the label it says, "No Preservatives?"
71. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
72. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
73. Why are they called "buildings" when they are already finished? Shouldn't they be called "builts?"
74. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
75. Why do banks charge a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
76. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
77. If you get into a taxi and driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
78. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
79. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
80. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
81. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a "near miss?" It sounds like a "near hit" to me.
82. Do fish get cramps after eating?
83. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"
84. Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
85. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
86. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
87. Why is it when a door is open it's "ajar," but when a jar is open it's not "adoor?"
88. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
89. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
90. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
91. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," what is the opposite of progress?
92. Why does lemon juice contain mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
93. Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
94. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
95. Why do we wash with bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
96. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
97. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
98. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4’s"?
99. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
100. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
101. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
102. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
103. Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
104. I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
105. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
106. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
107. War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
108. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
109. How do blind people know when they are done "wiping?"
110. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
111. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
112. I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.
113. If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty liter?
114. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
115. How did a fool and his money GET together?
116. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?
117. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
118. How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
119. Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
120. When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
121. Do Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
122. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
123. Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
124. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
125. What does Geranamo say when he jumps out of a plane?
126. Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
127. How come cargo is transported by ship, and when you ship something, it goes by car?
128. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
129. What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
130. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
131. If a really stupid person becomes senile, how can you tell?
132. Why do they put a suicide watch on certain death row prisoners?
133. Would you care if a man you're planning to kill, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun?
134. What clinic did Betty Ford go to?
135. What year did Jesus think it was?
136. Why do they report power outages on TV?
137. Is it possible to be totally partial?
138. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
139. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
140. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?
141. If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. What happens when you turn on the headlights?
142. How come people offer a penny for your thoughts, when everyone wants to put their two cents in?
143. Doesn't reckless and reckful mean the same thing?
144. I don't get it, I saw a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love peace and quiet"
145. If the Super bowl cut out the commercials, would people still watch?
146. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
147. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
148. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
149. Why do people try to get a front row parking spot at health lodges, when they go there to exercise?
150. What's another word for thesaurus?
151. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
152. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
153. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me…they were cramming for their finals.
154. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
155. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
156. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
157. Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.
158. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
159. STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
160. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
161. Clones are people two.
162. Go ahead and take risks…just be sure that everything will turnout OK.
163. Strange! No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
164. As I said before, I never repeat myself!
165. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
166. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
167. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
168. Think "Honk" if you're telepathic.
169. Why there's no butter in buttermilk, no egg in eggplant, no grapes in a grapefruit, neither peas or nuts in peanuts, and no ham in a hamburger?
170. One goose, two geese…so one moose two meese?
171. If a firefighter fights fires, what does a freedom fighter fight?
172. If pro and con are opposites, is Congress the opposite of progress?
173. How can your house can simultaneously burn up and burn down?
174. How can you fill out a form by filling it in, or why you add up a column of figures by adding them down?
175. How come your nose runs and your feet smell.
176. Why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance can mean the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites.
177. Why is it called a hot water heater…who heats hot water?
178. Who called it daylight savings time when not a single second of daylight is saved?
179. Why do we call it a freeway when it costs over a million dollars a mile?
180. Why is it called rush hour when nobody's going anywhere?
181. Why is it that a non-stop flight eventually stops?
182. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
183. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
184. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
185. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
186. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
187. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
188. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
189. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
190. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
191. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
192. Were hot dogs ever made of dogs?
193. How do astronauts use the bathroom in space?
194. What's so French about French fries?
195. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
196. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
197. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called, "Holes?"
198. If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
199. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
200. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
201. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
202. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
203. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
204. If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific mean to make terrible?
205. Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
206. "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
207. Life is sexually transmitted.
208. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
209. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
210. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
211. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
212. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
213. Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
214. Lead me not into temptation (I can find my own way).
215. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
216. If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
217. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
218. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
219. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
220. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
221. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
222. Definition of Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
223. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
224. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
225. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
226. When an agnostic dies, does he go to the "great perhaps?"
227. Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?
228. Why is there a road sign that says "Braille Institute, Next Exit?"
229. If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
230. Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?
231. When you go into a hotel you always see reception. Why do you never just see ception?
232. If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
233. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
234. Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortunetellers take economists seriously?
235. If genetic scientists crossed a chicken with a zebra would they get a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?
236. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
237. Why is there always one in every crowd?
238. Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?
239. Why do hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse. Repeat?" If you did this, would you ever be able to stop?
240. Who decided "Hotpoint" would be a good name for a company that sells refrigerators?
241. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
242. Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
243. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
244. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
245. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
246. If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?